I haven’t blogged in a long time, life has been busy and time got away from me – so my apologies for that. However, now as I lie here in bed, on strict bed rest, 9 months pregnant and unable to sleep at 4am, I think it’s time to get back on track.
Life is funny. Sometimes something you initially find completely devastating, that brings you to your knees, cripples you with hysterical tears and basically makes you feel like the world is ending can ultimately turn out to be one of the best things that ever happened to you.
Granted, this is most definitely NOT always the case – sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be a bright side and that light at the end of the tunnel really does turn out to be a train. Occasionally, however, you really begin to understand why people say “everything happens for a reason”.
I had one of these moments, well, several of these moments actually, over the past few years. My husband, whom I will say is a very good man, has by his own admission, made some very poor choices in life. One night last Fall, he came to me and said he needed to come clean, clear the air and make a fresh start. BAM! I felt as thought my entire world was crumbling down around me. Everything got dark, and I began to question everything I thought I knew. This wasn’t the first time I’d been in this situation, and I will honestly say I felt defeated, devastated and hopeless. No one, and I mean NO ONE, could have convinced me at that moment that I would one day be grateful for what I was told and how I felt on that dark lonely night.
My husband requested that we begin marriage counseling, and said that he was going to begin seeing a therapist as well. Together, we talked about, worked through and addressed issues that I am certain we never would have tackled so honestly outside of those 4 walls. We each learned so much about the other and gained an enormous amount of respect for one another. We found an honesty and an openness that neither of us had ever before experienced, not with each or for that matter, with anyone else from our past. With the respect came the seeds of trust, and from those seeds a beautiful new relationship has blossomed. Looking back, we are both so grateful that even though we had to hit rock bottom, it was worth it. I remind my husband of that every time he starts to beat himself up and wonder out loud about what he was thinking, what huge mistakes he made, or how it just wasn’t worth it – I remind him it WAS worth it, because it brought us here.
Marriage isn’t easy. Ask almost anyone who’s been married, and they will agree. Just a quick look at the divorce rate in this country makes a pretty solid argument for that. I always swore that if I ever got married, it would be forever. Fortunately, I’m a pretty stubborn person, and maybe that’s a good thing because I really don’t know if my marriage would be so successful today if I weren’t. In any case, if you really love someone, no matter what happens, remember that true love can be the most powerful force on earth and in the end, true love conquers all and everything and everyone else just becomes an inconsequential part of the past – as long as you’re willing to let go of your anger and just let the love grow. It’s may not be easy, but if it’s real, it’s worth it.